Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer

Moving...

2006-01-07T02:37:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everbody,

We're moving =D Due to technical difficulties with blogger (aka snail-like speed).

Chronicles of A Utopian Writer has a new improved home @ http://silveraminoacid.wordpress.com

2006-01-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everybody, part of my new year’s resolutions was that i can not waste more precious time waiting for blogger to sign in, and then to load, and then to publish my post. In a nutshell, am sick and tired of Blogger therefore i’ve decided to switch to Wordpress. A lot of my friends say am a nomad, first livejournal and then blogger, now Wordpress. Who knows what next? But i’ve always been this way, a restless soul refusing to stay put.

My new blogsite:

http://silveraminoacid.wordpress.com

New Year's Resolutions

2005-12-17T04:21:00.000-08:00

New Year's Resolutions

There is always a story behind everything, one we might not expect, and today we're
going to explore the New Years Resolutions story. I've asked 20 people randomly when
do they think the New Years Resolutions tradition started.

10 out of 20: Thought it started after the cold war.
5 out of 20: Thought it started in the late 60's (And that the hippies were the ones
to invent it along with the term "Groovy")
3 out of 20: Thought it started in the late 80's, early 90's.
2 out 20: Gawked and told me "Huh?"

So the question is... when did the New Year's Resolutions tradition begin?

Answer: The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C.

Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. He was always depicted with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. Apparently Janus had two faces, so he could look back on thy past and forward to the future. Sounds surreal, that our current celebrated tradition has that kind of story: Mythology, symbolism, and history...

Could it be that those elements of the story are the ones that make it almost impossible to achieve. How many people do you hear saying "I've accomplished my New Year's resolutions." Could it be that those goals we put ahead of us are just a myth, a small figment of history we can't let go of, or perhaps a symbol we forgot the purpose of its symbolism and deemed it real. These are of course my own ramblings, but there are teams of researchers around the world that actually investigate this phenomenon. Also, they are people who dedicated 20 years or more to discover the true reasons why we can not keep up with our own goals.

Marlatt who studied this subject for over 20 years gives us tips about how
to achieve your resolutions:
• Have a strong initial commitment to make a change.
• Have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up.
• Keep track of your progress. The more monitoring you do and feedback you get, the
better you will do.

Sure-fire ingredients for setting yourself up for resolution failure, he adds,
include:
• Not thinking about making resolutions until the last minute.
• Reacting on New Year's Eve and making your resolutions based on what's bothering
you or is on your mind at that time.
• Framing your resolutions as absolutes by saying, "I will never do X again."

According to research, the Top 10 Most Common New Year Resolutions are:

1. Lose weight

2. Stop smoking

3. Stick to a budget

4. Save or earn more money

5. Find a better job

6. Become more organized

7. Exercise more

8. Be more patient at work/with others

9. Eat better

10. Become a better person

Have you prepared your New Year's Resolutions Yet? Am in the process of posting them, feel free to post your resolutions. On a side note, Jameed, cracked me up with his "2006 surprise", i think one of his resolutions would be "Get stainless steel knifes" =)

Registration Festival in the JU

2005-12-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

To begin your worst nightmare press F5...

To be stuck in a boring lecture press F7

To confirm selling your soul to the devil in exchange for a pass with an impossible
professor press F8

To clear your university records and head to the nearest industry press F9

To exit this nightmare and go back to the Adab Street and gossip with your friends(in
your small perfect world) press F10

To withdraw from a subject your friends warned you that's not an easy A press F12

I just love December: Christmas, my birthday, snow, and New Year's Eve. Well, let us elaborate on my perfect December, it's almost mid December and it's not raining. I've lost my sense of Christmas since i joined the JU. New Year's Eve is gonna a total movie night, unless i wish to get myself killed with a possible bombing threat. And am not as excited to enter the Adulthood; sweet sixteen wasn't even better so.. all those overestimated milestones are crap to me.

The highlight of this December however, is my first registration. Known as the "Al tasjeel al modamer", "Youm el raked - since u gotta unlock some classes and get
signed papers", "Stress Day", "Time-to-reconsider-your-options-in-a-decent-life Day".
The registration has been postponed to further notice; due to mysterious reasons
(a.k.a computers crashed as usual). The thing that amuses me the most, is how everybody hates the registration yet no one is planning to do something about it. The students should definitely demand a better system of registration, and this whole
"sign-the-papers-from-the-dean" is... well.... no comment!!

So you wanna be a swan?

2005-12-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

Strip naked and go to the lake. Unusually, yesterday, i sat down to watch my favorite shows and one of those being Point Pleasant, was later on, and i watched the rerun of
a Fox show called "The Swan". Now, i don't know if any of you have watched it before,
but i did all throughout the course of an hour with a raised brow and big exclamation
mark as my aura.
The show's synopsis: a group of diverse woman come to the show feeling unloved and crashed by their low self esteem and apparently the answer to all that is Plastic surgery. Yes, they feel ugly and invisible... some because of their weight or their huge nose or even their sagging tummy. They are helped by a group of "Specialists" mainly plastic surgeons, dentist, and a shrink. They get it all free, along with a chance to be in a beauty pageant in which only one women would be crowned The Swan.

Now, correct me if i am wrong, i do not recall the Ugly Duckling tale as this. To fresh everyone's memory, click here to read the original tale. The ugly duckling didn't become a Swan because she was assisted by Plastic Surgeons and Davinci veneers. She became a swan because she was born one. We associate beauty to this white, graceful, feathered bird. Why? Because we were taught to do so, we were taught to believe that thin people look better than overweight. What supports my theory? Back in the old days, a plump woman was all our Arabic poets wrote for, and a thin women would be considered incomplete. Ahh! The irony, which brings me back to this subject.Even if they change her face and body, maybe she'll gain confidence, but am sure if she can't change that nagging feeling of the ugly duckling she'll never be a Swan. No matter how white she is.

Sexiness, gracefulness, beauty all shine from inside. It is a typical thing to say, but if you are uncomfortable in your current state, a lot a procedures could help you. Dieting, Yoga, Exercise, taking on new hobbies, joining self esteem support
groups. You do not need a plastic face staring back at you to be beautiful.
The question is.. so you wanna be beautiful? What makes you think that beautiful woman are happy? You see beauty is a variable thing, and i believe powerful people get the good things in life, if you label yourself as an ugly duckling, no mask or silicon in the whole world could change that in you.

Now Fox claims they have a shrink working on their problems, but the fact is if you watch carefully, that shrink is merely non existent in those journals compared to the plastic surgeons. As much as i love to think our youth is going to be a bright
generation, i see the obsession with beauty more evident that before. Teenagers now
are seeking to perform plastic surgeries to look like Jessica Simpson or Shakira.
Some of them are diagnosed with Anorexia thanks to the false Photoshop images of
models on magazine covers. You see they do not place a warning: caution nobody looks
like this in reality. They are pulling our youth to a dead end, a shallow fatal one.
So you wanna be a Swan? I hope to god this is a rhetorical question, because if it
wasn't, I’d be disappointed to realize many people can not differentiate between the
real world and a first grade fairytale.

To learn or not to learn..

2005-12-06T05:44:00.000-08:00

That is the question. As a English literature student I was genuinely excited
for the moment i could sign up for Latin 101. Learning Latin not only was a personal
joy aspect in my life, I’ve always deemed it to be an important element in my education as a writer and teacher. But the truth dawned lately that Latin courses have been canceled in the JU. For mysterious reasons being the smurf that I am, I’ve decided to check with the faculty's administration in regards to this action. Latin not only is essential for English Literature and Language but also is to every single double major in the faculty e.g.: Spanish/English, Italian/English. And as i type now, %90 of what am writing is derived or borrowed from Latin.
So why Latin is canceled? We obviously don't have an instructor anymore, and demand for Latin courses have diminished throughout the years that the faculty head decided to cancel it. Now that's a shame, especially for a growing university like ours.
So, the solution: self-learning. I went to borrow a couple of Latin books from the JU library; and i couldn't resist scolding the staff there. The book i had in my hand was published in 1919, an ancient book; if i didn't know better i would have said that Julius Caesar dropped by and gave it to the library. The ancient books on that shelf were dusty and scattered. Now, as much as i love the fact the i found good books to learn from; i believe those books belong behind glass. Because such ancient books not only are part of our history, they are an integral part of the library's treasures in which should be displayed. I care for books more than anything in my life, and I’ve learnt to protect them better than i would have protected myself. So i know, when i borrow such a book i make sure it is safe and cleaned. But on the other hand, you can not guarantee others will be as careful as i am. And maybe those bored jaywalkers in the aisles would flip the pages careless while sending a message to their awaited loud friend to arrive. Some books ought to be removed and kept safe.
The other issue am gonna discuss today and it is related to books. This obnoxious epidemic the JU students have: they sit on their books. They use their books as a safety mat for their precious jeans and pants. How many people in the civilized world would you see sitting on a book, jeopardizing its cover; leaving it prone to damage, stains or even tearing.
I've been pondering for a couple of months, what would get people interested in books again. With each new generation in our society, the passion of books seems to diminish. And speaking of passion, i am placing a poll for what should the book club be called. We are in our final stages of organizing and deciding the mechanism of the book club. For any people interested in joining, please contact me at: aminozawawi@hotmail.com
If you would like to receive more information about the club, please check the section am gonna be adding in the next couple of days containing all he crucial details.

Terrorism is not my option

2005-11-10T00:45:00.000-08:00

I've been lurking around watching Amman for the past couple of weeks,
traveling from spot to spot, writing about it.. and promised myself am not going to post until that beautiful surprise piece is over. But the news of yesterday has brought me here dumbfounded, unable to believe that my bubble of security and stability has been popped by the fingers of dynamite. A lot of people are sitting in front of their tvs, glued to their screens waiting
to hear a name: but we shall not hear a name. We hear a ghost they glue every single act to "Al-Qaida".
You may ask, why do i call them a "ghost". The bombings of the two towers, Madrid, Egypt, and many others... what do they all have in common. "Al-Qaida claims X attacks."
They are a ghost to me, because the world chose for it to be that way, invisible yet scares the shit out of people, wandering around the earth with unfinished business. Their "unfinished business" is to redeem whatever they believe in with murder and fear. If they call what they are doing: Islam, then we can say Humans live on Mars. I am not here to point fingers, i am enraged as usual with the bombings, but perhaps this time even more because it is in the very same capital where i was born. I am here speaking in the voice of the young generation, those who should not be tempted into such crazy cults. I ask the United Nations and those G8 countries to find the cause of this misery. To pull out its roots from the ground, what is the perecentage of Al-Qaida compared to the earth's population. I do not care about those millions the world is spending on cosmetics and fashion, and this money could have been employed for a better cause: AIDS, World Hunger, and now enrooting Al Qaida.
I do not have a microphone or a TV camera in front of me. I do not have bombs or guns, but am here as a young person who stumps his feet in the ground and screams "I claim the right to live peacefully. I claim the right to stand up high and say blame is not my solution, killing is not my thing."

We should all stand up united, young and old, and say "Terrorism is not my
option. And now i claim the right to live."

Smurf is back...

2005-10-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ah! The weekend, this word is like music to my ears. Sheesh, it's been long since i posted. My life has been a mess, basically because am "adapting" to a new environment aka JU. Where islamists want to show you the light, satanics want you to join the cult, cool people sit at the back and people who forgot their glasses sit in the front. Sounds typical so far? Oh yeah! Well, my first week at the JU seemed to be shocking to some, basically because i enjoyed my time. Most kiddos suffer on their first semester, new friends, new places, you get lost and found (eventually). Well, being the social fiend i am, i got to know most of the Adab people on my
first week. My friends were kinda shocked, for two reasons:
a) I seem to be in a jolly mood.
b) Am over-friendly.

Why is that i changed? I don't know, they say university changes people. Or maybe it's because when i was in school it was different. A limited number of people to adapt to, to be friends with, whether you like them or not. Compared to the 30,000 students in the university, hell yeah am gonna change. I mean, the whole process is amazing, meeting new people that intrigue you.Getting to know what they like, and what they don't, their siblings and their odd hobbies ranging from: shooting empty beer bottles, collecting dead insects, watching the commercial channel, and watching silent movies. I mean your friends that you lived with for twelve years never seize to amaze you from time to time. But this is different, it's a whole new building process: impressions, experiences, laughter, anger. I have my friends asking me "Amino, where the hell do you go in the breaks?"

Where the hell don't i go in the breaks you mean! The university is like a treasure hunt for me, getting to know every corner, secret places, secret societies (yes they do exist), and joining events (except for the Smurf Gathering thing). The thing is, most of my friends now are sticking together, calling up each other to meet; basically afraid to be alone. But who can blame them? It's a new place, but for me i think it's better to be alone, not to stick with your circle of friends, otherwise how will you meet new people?

For some whose athletic like me, you can guess where i spend most of my time: the gym (the infamous gym that most smurfs pout when i tell them it exists). Basketball... running on the
track... reading on the benches... or even laughing my ass off in the changing rooms (where you'll meet girls who are in the "Reyada" but look like they're going to a party). Ohh.. loads of stuff to tell, but i don't know how to organize my thoughts.

On my second week, i had my share of basic smurf shock: assignments. Yes, the big ugly A, three reports to be delivered in 2 days about a Chimp named Koko, Animal cognition, and Sabaweeh (flash news:that's the Persian guy who put the arabic language on track, yep he's Persian not arabic).

I worked my ass off to research, summarize, and write an essay about. I came to thy cluttered lecture to discover every single person has copied and pasted the info on the net. Hellooo? Plagiarism? Was i the only one who was taught you do not copy other people's work. Well, the professor kinda warned them in a nice way, but i was intrigued that most of us are not taught how to write a research the right way (of course that was a must in the IG).

My other share of B.S.S (Basic Smurf Shock)... the friendliness you're treated with at the library, think again, they're the rudest unhelpful people on planet earth. You ask them for help, they mock you, they snigger as they watch your smurf butt suffer trying to understand the idiotic classification system.

Well, that's it people. I am sorry for this disoriented dysfunctional post, will post later on. After am done with the linguistics chapters...

P.S: Happy Ramadan to all..

Chronicles of a very gullible smurf....

2005-09-14T13:52:00.001-07:00

Now, that would be cool right? And the pic posted expresses our utmost zest and enthusiasm being the smurfs we are. On second thought, nah it's not. Being a JU smurf isn't
exactly the best situation you could be stuck in. Why?

Bare my attitude, and read my story.

So i go to the Al Hasan Bin Talal Hall, holding my official paperwork, and am met by a very
friendly student guide who hands me this "Gift". And i am shocked, what gift could they
grant us?

And here am gonna ask you to visit Robz's post here. The student handbook and map are a
"gift". Wait, i thought they were obliged to provide us with such stuff when we first
applied. Oh never mind that. The pen doesn't work, and the map is wrong, and the caricature
inside the booklet is basically well "Vulgar". Why vulgar? We have such a beautiful
language, and instead we use common slang that basically made me feel well.. pissed. Cause
let me say it in their common slang - 3am ibtestahbeloni? I mean, it is kinda of funny if
you're in a good mood. But maybe it's not that funny when you stand in line to get a piece
of paper that says what subjects do you have. Followed by a visit to your Academic Advisor
who is sitting in open space surrounded by hordes of people, and asks you to pick a subject
besides the other three. I stood there "What?"

I didn't know what the hell am doing, and why the hell there isn't a single elective in
there that is related to my field of study. And when i tried to ask, well there are
gagllion of gals pushing me into the wall. We have absolutely no sense of line,
organization, and our life is a perfect example of El 7esbeh.

We are poor gullible smurfs that do not need jokes and funny caricatures in our student
booklet. Rather than a simple explanation of what we're doing. A girl in line asked me
"Listen, so am gonna be taking those 3 subjects for the rest of the four years?"

Imagine, how naive we are when it comes well to our first year. The student handbook should
have been given to us beforehand, not during the registration. It is a wonderful
initiative, the "gift", and the guides and the unusual friendliness we were treated with.
However, we are not satisfied, because we are small blue creatures that can not understand
the university system on our own. We are not satisfied, because our blue skin becomes very
itchy when we have to perform everything we don't know in a rush. And our small white tiny
feet hurt when 4th years send with false directions to the Southern Gates. So here is a
post from a poor gullible smurf, I can't wait to start the uni courses - where of course
my smurfness will gradually vanish by trial and error.

The Camera Of Life

2005-09-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is how she applied the water proof mascara to her eyes,slowly and carefully, dressed in her new clothes, the chain of pearls adorning her neck. The dress soaked and dipped in
invisible gold, otherwise it is unexplainable why is it so
expensive. The throats slaughtered for her fur coat -feel free to explain this pun the way you want. She bit her lip while staring at her image in the mirror "Perfect... girls will be burning with green envy tonight."

Click....

Girl in rags, standing by the corner of a dirty London street,perched like an owl waiting for the right moment. Her eyelashes are broken and bare, her rags are soaked and dipped in dirt - real and hard. She collects the crumbs of bread from the tables in the diner each Saturday. The ladies and gents laughing,
flirting, and dancing while she sits in the back washing the dishes. Her frock locked by the sink's door. She smiles... wipes sweat from her brow by the back of her wrist. Soap...water..
scrub... water... scrub it clean. The manager bounces back from the hall, hurrying the cooks and cursing the busboys. Her narrow hips camouflage her silky long hair. Among the busboys,
her girl status is dropped. By the cabinet an old broken mirror is hung, three different images stare back at her. She tames her hair with her fingers, the dark circles engulfing her
puffed eyes, the small wound on her finger trying to heal - her heart surprisingly refusing to. She stares for a minute or two, sneaks a peek at through the small parlor window, a customer
leaves his plate unfinished. She smiles, biting her lip.
"Perfect...I will be eating tonight."

Click...

"Perfect...someone will be thinking about his life after reading this..."

Rock my World!!

2005-08-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

Imagine a very quiet Friday night, sitting on the bed, relaxed and perched in happiness for the bestseller in your hand. You touch the smooth cover, slip your fingers around the edges, your eyes watching the art anxiously. With a soft gesture you flip to the first page, skipping the introduction (that most people never read ), and onto the real deal. The author who spent almost a year writing is back home anxious for reviews, like a father waiting for his son's results. All for you to have this magical moment, the moment you first fall in love with his precious baby. The letters are elegant and curvy, like an aristocrat woman, the pages are made from a tree you never met, and probably you'll rock her world if you ever met her, let's just say that couldn't thank you more. Hint: buy the recycled editions. Nonetheless, you're in the mood, ready and ecstatic. The first sentence pushes the surge of "this is totally worth it" feeling. And then.. the unexpected happens (doesn't it always).

BANG BANG BANG - Let me rock your world baby.. let me shatter the very few moments of peace you have. Let me ruin your friday and almost everyday if you're living near families with loads of sons to marry. What am I talking about? Oh.. don't play "Clueless" with me...I loved the series way more than the movie.. but..

Fireworks! Fireworks.. viva la fireworks!! As in let's fix that rocket into the ground (with no instruction manual whatsoever), even if it hits the neighbors roof, what the hell... we're expressing our happiness, no harm.. no pain.. and no gain...

What gain? What do you exactly gain by waking every single child in the neighborhood every 2 hours with fireworks! First it was the rifles and machine guns, (gladly, we didn't reach the bazooka stage). Until, fireworks were made accessible to the public. And the general public met their newest toy available, way after the pokemon and Cassandara skirts rush!

It became a nightly ritual for me, whether it's a wedding in The Palm Village (which obviously has no palms), or it's a celebration for a dude who passed with a 56 average or if it's simply kids playing!!

Why am i so disturbed? Well, for starters I don't like the fact the Amman's sky is screaming "World War III", and i don't like waking at 1 am because someone decided he's too happy to sleep. You're too happy to sleep, put on some headphones along with "La Tortura" or whatever is hip today... and dance yourself into oblivion or sleep that is.

I mean, Enough is Enough! This epidemic is becoming way out of control... you think me and my book should go to hell fine. I mean seriously fine, think of me as the dumb neighbor and as they say it 5odni 3ala gad 3aglati. Show a pinch of altruism that our religions always preached.. rather than shower the girls walking in the streets with catcalls of "Allah yehdiki!

YAY!

2005-08-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

It's been long. Well i was in the National Results Anxiety Week... yep it's a national stress holiday for all GCE students. Well the good news are, I got A's YAY for me!! That means no more weight gain (i tend to put on weight when am stressed). Well my vacation is about to end, work work work to do. That's all for now!! YAY for me!

Humor Me :: Semi-Weekly Section ::

2005-08-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

Kissing Syndrome

Another incident of unique "Arabicism"...

Marhaba *kiss*, keefek *kiss on the other cheek*, a5barek *kiss*, ishta2nalek *another kiss on the other cheek.

Seems familiar huh? I can assure you that Arabs are the touchiest, most emotional nation on earth. So what am i talking about? The Kissing Syndrome, in which the Arabic world is plagued with. It's like when guests come over, you don't know what to expect. Some kiss each cheek, some do it twice, and some thrice, and believe it or not some multiples on one cheek and one at the other.

It is funny come to think of it, how each person argues how the greeting procedure could be. Someone like me for example, performs the stretch-your hand-and-stand-back method, basically to avoid the whole kissing viscous cycle. I mean, enough with the kissing already, like sometimes the individual turns when you're kissing... and you're like huh... what next... i mean the kissing cycle is confusing, not to mention makes me sick.

I mean imagine all the germs that are transferred through this process, especially that sometimes a stranger lady comes in to a gathering and i am supposed to kiss her, like "What the?"

I mean you could leave all the "Hello, how are you doing, what's new, missed you" jazz for when you sit down, not as a greeting. To me, i find this whole thing dumbfounding and irritated. I mean did i say Humor Me people? Enough with the kissing already!!

The Baby Mirror Test

2005-08-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

As human beings, I believe from the first moment someone places us in front of a mirror we become addicted to that little kid smiling at us. And believe it or not, we walk around looking for that little kid, one who smiles at us radiantly and passionately, a small look of confusion and amazement in his eyes.

I believe I don't remember my Baby Mirror moment, but I remember seeing my nephew's first one. The way he smiled and tried to touch the mirror endlessly to touch that baby looking at him. Stocked with nostalgia? Not really, I am here to talk about those simple emotions. Being young isn't about Oprah's makeovers, or those anti-aging secrets, or magic pills. The Life Elixir unlikely exists anywhere other than in Harry Potter. But I believe there is a semi elixir out here in this world that only few realize: The sense of Amazement and Wonder. As children, we are amused by almost anything, but as we grow older and get sucked into the whirl of routine we suddenly lose it. Everything becomes monotonous and meaningless by the time we finish college.

Why do some people still have a young heart? Well, they try their best to try new things and endeavor into risky adventures... the kind that alerts your flight-or-fight instinct. We need to maintain that sense of wonder, and provoke amazement weekly in order to survive that whirl.

When was the last time you sat on your chair and spun like there is no tomorrow? When was the last time you shared a pack of M&M's with your friend and discussed what each color gives you at first sight. When was the last time you climbed a tree... ran a mile or wrestled with your sibling. Think young... think fun.

Hola, Salut, Hello, Ciao, Marhaba..

2005-08-02T15:06:00.000-07:00

For those guessing that i picked a Modern Languages Major.. this is your lucky day.... because... *tadaaa*
I picked an English Literature & Language major, how did i make up my mind. Well, i imagined myself tired.. and sleepy, stuck in the traffic, having a bad hair day and barely ate breakfast. And then, I thought... what major would you head on to on such a day, and still believe it's totally worth it.
The contestants of course were:

Journalism
English Translation
English And Spanish
English And Italian
French Language and Literature

So i pondered, and came up with the ultimate test: The Peer Pressure/Society Pressure test.
Am sure you're not familiar with this test, since i've invented it a couple of years ago, but the common name for such a test is "Follow your heart."

Everyone was like: take English Translation... and you know all the jazz. And i said, maybe they're right...and I went there to the Mowazi Registration Office in the Jordanian University (I’ll get back to that later on). And my father absolutely had no idea that I actually didn't make up my mind about my Major. And as i was filling the application, the test came... I held my pen to write: English Language and Translation, and something stopped me. And the voice in my head said: come on why not, everyone seems to think it's good.

And i ended up writing English Literature and Language. I am never confused with my decision making actually, which baffles a lot of people, I just pick either one... and i know my heart in the right time will tell me what to do. A lot may say, this is stupid, but really true... my heart always seems to lead my decision making. The heart orders and the mind later on makes his best in that decision...

So... you're thinking: "Whoaa, Amino is super zealous today, with all the positive energy."

Hold that emotion for a nanosecond, because am about to spill the beans.

So because GCE students are shoved with the Internationals means that we should pay our fees in Dollars? I mean, we could easily pay the equivalent by Dinars. But noo, we have to take the sum in Jordanian Dinars, exchange them for dollars, and then give them to the bank on campus, and then the bank would transfer the sum back into dinars. Anyone spotting a flaw here? I am a Jordanian citizen, and the fact that I am in the Mowazi doesn't mean i should be treated like an International.

So I am a semi-official UJ student (With an easy number), unless i fail to get my equivalency before 1/9. How does it feel? Well, it feels great that am in the uni, not because it's the UJ. More like, it feels great to be a Uni student.

Okay, a petit confession, my happiness was focused on the fact that the Uni has a Track & Field team, cause many unis don't. I don't know if my dad actually saw me drool, when i saw the running track encircling the turf of the soccer pitch. Sports always played an integral part of my life, especially Track... the thought of running 7 laps in the sun (that's 2.8 km) makes my heart jump. The surge of adrenaline when you run, the euphoria, and sweat of achievement... they are just more than enough to brighten up my day.

With Nothing To Live For...

2005-07-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

We never said anything, she just sat next to me silent searching for the unknown. She’d push her head on my shoulder harshly, shaking me from my daydream, and she’d say “What did you write? Read it for me.” She never liked reading on her own, and she’d stop me in the middle of my reading to mumble something like “Good meter” or “Been reading Walt Whitman lately?”
I would just nod, and carry on, knowing if I didn’t she’d say “Why did you stop?” And when I was done, she’d ask me to read it again, and I’d refuse saying she can read it on her own.
“You’re afraid of your voice.” She’d smile solemnly, her ear burning on my shoulder. “I think you’re gonna be famous in no time Amino.” And I’d laugh telling her she’s talking like some kind of seer in my stories. The empty field cold and silent, then she’d break the cycle. “Do you ever think of death?”

Death. I never paid attention to those small hints she sprinkled here and there, like some chef tinkering dubiously with a meal. Mixing unknown ingredients, they might turn out good or bad, or even worse maybe you’ll have guests coming over out of the blue and they’ll see the mess.
“Sometimes.” I’d tell her. “I always feel like my time on earth is short.” She’d back off like I’ve committed some felony, and scrutinize my features thoroughly.

“Don’t be silly.” She’d mumble again resting on my shoulder, and I’d feel her disturbed heartbeats, like we’ve touched the forbidden topic. But I never paid attention, it’s those small things you always omit in the moment, but remember too late.
“I wanna become a dancer.” She said laughing. “And you’d be the famous writer who’d visit the shows of the very glamorous dancer.”
“I hate ballet.” I’d remind her. “You can get into Med School without breaking a sweat.”
“I hate doctors.” She’d answer back mimicking my previous tone. “They try to postpone the inevitable.”

“Radical.” I’d mutter under my breath.

“Utopian.” She’d punch me in the arm giggling. “They should have drowned you with Atlantis.”
“How do you know Atlantis was the Utopia?” I gave her a skeptic look.
“A feeling.” Her mood would shift in a jiffy, she’d bite her nails without shame, and gaze at the sky. “Will you write a novel about our life?”
“What? The Radical and Utopian best friends?” I’d smile devilishly. “No respectable publisher would accept my manuscript.”

“Or perhaps about me, the first of course… and in bold lines the dedication would be for me.”
“The second.” I’d bargain brashly. “Two is my lucky number, and the first is reserved for Miss Jackie.”
“Fine.” She’d accept as though my book is coming out next month. “You’ll read it to me though.”

“How come?” I said confused. “A whole book?”
“How do you know I’ll have the time to read it?” She asked.
“Well, you’re not going anywhere… so you’ll have time. You’re not gonna die are you?”
“Don’t be silly.” She mumbled again avoiding my gaze. “Just make sure it’s a happy ending.”

“Sure, happiness is overestimated though!!”

“My story will have a happy ending, because that’s what I want.” She smiled ominously. “Read for me now.”

And I read…The more you live inside of my head, the more I think you were just character that I didn’t finish writing his story, or a figment of my imagination.

As I wrote the very first word in my new novel, I remembered this, and I smiled. The working title “With Nothing To Live For.”

“Good Title” You would have said if we were sitting in that field, if you were here now. But I smile, I remember, and I salute you wherever you are for awakening the value of life inside of me.

“Utopian” The voice whispers in my head… and I say now… “Radical.”

The Tawjihi Euphoria

2005-07-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

First of all, i'd like to congragulate someone i am very proud of, my best friend and sister: Haneen.. for snatching that 93 from the hands of those greedy examiners who wanna keep the grades for their own muhahaha. She's gonna be a great writer one day, once she decides to pick that pen and write. And then, of course i wanna congragulate: Damz, Mira, Muna, Tahani, Dana, who did i miss? Well, back to the tawjihi Euphoria. We reached the brink of technology regarding our Tawjihi examinations; believe it or not, we were competing with Singapore regarding this issue, without the wireless internet of course.

The kiddos, well you know, people my age were hanging about the internet cafes, clutching to their mobiles, for the awaited judgment they were born for.

Flabbergasting isn't it? The whole panic and state we force into our lives, the way the Tawjihi exams are there to determine whether we get into college or not. Although many students who got F's in their lives, crammed the exams, and finally got a 87... a big example is my friend Tahani. Well, Tawjihi should not be a measure of what we learnt, i believe we should have entrance exams instead, you know for each major. Like, i bet a person who's good at math shouldn't be hanging in the English major and vice-versa.

So back to the topic, darn i keep on slipping into a different tangent. Well, the Tawjihi Euphoria, yes yes, technology and all.. and then the typical "Shoot Them Or Lose Them" celebration, with guns, machine guns, and even am afraid bazookas.

I mean, those who are actually shooting have sons with 50's and 55's. I mean, come on people, grow out of it. But actually, it's a good alarm, because i was relaxing in my room reading "The Northern Lights" by Philip Pullman; wondering when will i hear my friends' results, and then i heard the 'Jordanian Tawjihi Euphoria' and i lunged to call up my friends.

The question is, why why... can't they express their happiness with you know.. songs.. umm dancing whatever.

I have to admit though, when my results are out, i'll be missing the whole jazz, since no one gives a damn about A-levels, naturally. Well, I've been busy, and am still busy finalizing my short story, and i am reading of course.. a dozen of books.

Check out my book reviews blog for more information on the books i've read.

P.S: Am currently reading, His Dark Materials Trilogy, don't you just love Philip Pullman!!

Coming Out

2005-07-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

You were probably associating my title, to the closet part. Actually, today am coming out not from the closet, but from the cave of dreams i've been living in. Believe it or not, I've realized am a sheltered kid, with no sense of what's going on.
I go to sign up for the university, excited and stocked with hope. And as am shipped off from office to office, like i was some damaged commodity, I begin to worry... that my image of University isn't the real one.Turns out the admission process for people with GCE/IB/Etc.. is a simple process of getting back on "The invisible enemy". Okay, you're confused, but read on. Okay, here's a quick pop quiz.

In what university in the world, is anyone accepted into English Literature and Language, without prior knowledge of English.
In what university in the world, a person who gets straight A's in English is rejected, and someone who barely forms sentences is accepted.
In what university in the world, a person who is good at Maths is shipped into the English major.

And even more outrageous...

In what university in the world, a person with an 88 average, list of extracurricular activities, five international awards is "Not Good Enough".... while a person with a 65 average, with nothing whatsoever is "Good Enough" just because he's taking the Jordanian Tawjihi?

So i freaked out, and am telling the registration officer, that I've been writing all my life, am winning awards, have published poems, and am currently publishing short stories, not to mention that ever since 1st grade I had one of the highest english averages in my year.You know what he answered? He said, "Tab 3amo, ma damek bte3rafi english basics, laish ma todrosi ishi ma btet3arafeeh?" - translation: since you know the English basics, why don't you study something you know nothing about?

What? Are you kidding me? Are you mocking my sense of right and wrong? Is it just me, or as far as i can remember, that University is the higher form of learning. English basics? You want some student of yours, to walk around with an English BA; happy with his knowledge of 'English Basics', just like a hardworking student on the other side of the world with the same qualification studied 'The real University English'? So, what if he decides to pursue an education career? Just go on passing the basics to his students? And if god forbid, he decides to work on his MA abroad, he'll go to realize that he's different from any BA holder in that campus?
How come we don't have Language proficiency tests?
Yes people, am sheltered, and let's discuss the "Invisible Enemy". You see when we go to sign up, holding your GCE/IB certificate, it's like you're asking them to label you as 'Spoiled, Rich, who care about nothing.' And just because the A-levels we took, are what 2nd year university students take we're condemned and fought.
So, am not admitted into the normal stream because "I have money?", the reg. officers shift us through seven useless hours so in the end they tell us "Roo7o Mowazi?"
Now tell me, why should a person with less qualification than me get my rightful spot. Why? Because i have money? We don't buy our grades you know? We worked hard for them, we did twice as work, and we are punished for that.

And then there is the other factor, since you're good enough why don't you go abroad? What if i can't? What if i don't want to? So people assume that because we took A-levels that our parents are filthy rich and then can send anywhere. They assume because we took A-levels any university abroad is gonna accept us, and grant us scholarships. Why do they hate us so much? Why do they treat us like the enemy? Because our parents worked double shifts all through their lives, to provide us with good education? Why do some people detest us so much? So many questions, but I'll tell you something, most parents aren't born rich, and they worked hard for it. And those people controlling our university destiny, they think our parents woke up one day and the sky was raining with money. You know if i was not good enough, i wouldn't be bothered, but the university should be for the best. It should be for serious people who worked hard for it all their lives. So i came out of the cave, the moment that officer told me an even worse statement, "Most people in the GCE, complain that they're wasting their time in the English Department and that it's too easy, so study something else."
Right, am supposed to give up my passion just because you admitting the wrong people into the wrong faculty, and teaching them the wrong courses, for their supposed level. Well, you know what, i don't give a damn which university takes me, all i know is that I'll be working on my English on my own. Cause when i wanna say I've got an English BA, and i wish to apply for my MA, I want to be in the right level at the right place.

The battle for supremacy has begun...

2005-07-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

I was sleeping yesterday, in a state i can't imagine, since i've had the longest nightmare in my life. It was so scary, that i was trying to pull myself out of sleep but couldn't. My best friend called, and i didn't answer.. she was sending me messages and i couldn't wake up. Ever had that kind of nightmare, where an invisible force pulls you to stay, to know what's gonna happen. It was scary, and even now, after a very cold shower and cup of coffee, the rush of adrenalin inside of me still resides. That's not my point, i woke up and wrote every detail in that nightmare... and i can proudly tell you that i've found the story i've been waiting for all my life....

I opened a new word document, I don't know what's the novel's name, everything is blank, but i can see "The Battle for supremacy has begun" as the first sentence in the blurb.

P.S: For those who didn't hear "Better alone", it's a Must. Melanie C's awaited album "Beautiful Intentions" is totally worth the wait. Especially, Better alone.

This is me...

2005-07-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

In this very moment when am feeling lonely and forgotten, a notch of Coldplay's "Speed of Light" buzzing in my ears, I look around and see the lines. Everything in lines, the way it is most of the time but we don't notice it. Loneliness is not a state of being alone, it's feeling alone even when you are around people. As though you reaching for something you don't have, or you've been searching for something all your life. And through it all, I pace to and fro in my bedroom, unable to touch my guitar or call up one of my friends. We're not in the same world anymore, for some reason i do not understand. Is it me? Is it them? Why must i feel this way when all around me is perfect in its own sense of perfection. Why must i lie on my pillow every night and think "There must be more to life than this." It seems like the world around me racing, and am here struck by some invisible power of paralysis. If this is just a stage in my life, a transition, how come others my age aren't in this stage?

I told my very dear friend two days ago, "I feel like am lost in time, as if my purpose in life seems lost at some moment in the day. I feel like some writer is sitting in front of his screen scrambling with my life, trying to figure out which is the best way to edit the manuscript for a better price. "

And she smiled at me and said, "How come you can't be like us? I mean talk, like a normal teenager our age. You know.. boys, shopping, or you know gossip."

And i answered. "Look, i feel like am loosing you. My friends..."

And she said. "You're not, you just never adapted to your world. Stop looking at the world like it's one of your characters, stop talking to us about philosophy, stop looking out of the box. Live with us, live your age."

And i paused, i couldn't believe that someone i cherish so much just told me this. Maybe, that's what made me so sad and lonely right now. Her words may not be right, but they made me ponder... who is wrong and who is right? See even now, am writing the story of my life like it was a stranger's. Do people see their lives my way... do they see their lives in terms of metaphors and alliteration. Do they really walk around after a tiresome day a voice whispering in their head, "like a tree burdened with fruit, the fruit will go away, and in the end the tree will miss its burden. Burden and happiness are essential for each other."

Does this make me crazy? Does this make me an alien in my race? This is me.. no one is right or wrong...this is just me.

It's one of those days...

2005-07-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days, where you don't wanna get out of bed. The world is spinning in your dream, and you anxiously readjust the alarm for extra 15 minutes of sleep but don't feel them passing by. You slide your feet lazily through the sheets, and stay still for a moment or two and the thought that crosses your mind is "Why?"

Yes, a very simple "Why?" It could be the "Why" of misery, or the "Why" of hope, or the "Why" of laziness. And for someone as young as me, it's the "Why do i exist?" Believe it or not, like any person my age that question bothers me a lot. I looked at the book on my table, and suddenly it hit me.

Virginia Woolf, one of my favorite authors, and a personal role model of mine. She wrote all the way battling with her insanity, she said she heard those voices, and at the time no one could understand it's the characters talking to her. Much like, how Gabrielle, Seth or even Marina whisper in my head most of the time. It's like they're telling me "Write our story on paper, and we'll leave you alone."

And in other times in the night i wake up anxious, and it's "Come on, grab a cup of coffee and work on our story till dawn. Bring us to life... bring us to life."

But i don't drink coffee remember?

Now at Virginia's time, that was typical insanity, but in my time a writer is allowed to wrestle with his demons and characters. They call, and you should answer back.. only i don't have the time. But then, that very familiar voice tells me "You don't have time for your own destiny?"

The Living Green Ride...

2005-07-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

I bet.. we don't see that sign in Jordan... but let's carry on...

So the first thing we're gonna learn in living green. Is to walk, run, use a bicycle, or take the public transportation system (i know it suxx, especially for a girl). Why? Let's talk basic science, the current cars produce Carbon dioxide, one of the greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases, are gases that contribute to global warming (that is the average of temeperature on earth increasing). Believe it or not, if %70 of the people using cars right now, took Public Transportation as an alternative, a drastic change will be seen. Why? Because, each person is operating a car to travel on his own, however a bus will transport 30 people in a relatively equal energy.

Now, walking to your destination is an even better solution. Why? Ever noticed how the levels of obesity throughout the world increased, maybe because human inventions are making sure we get lazier by time. I bet by the year 2020, we'll be put in fridges and served in birthdays, by aliens that is.

The second step in living green is... Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

For more info on the emissions of the middle east, please check the MENA charts

Celebrating the 10th Of July

2005-07-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with The Greenpeace NGO? Did you wake on the 10th of July thinking... It's the 20th anniversary of the bombing of the Rainbow Warrior? If not.. proceed.

Most of the people around wonder why i love wearing my Rainbow Bracelet. And yes some of you are nodding right now, just like many people nod. The rainbow has been the symbol for many communities including the Greenpeace Organization. An organization am proud to consider myself from. The Rainbow Warrior was a ship that sailed in different seas for different causes protesting against French Nuclear Testing, Whaling, and sealing. However, in the 10th of July,1985 the ship was sunk by the French agents.

The Rainbow Warrior was officially launched in Hamburg on July 10, 1989, the anniversary of the sinking of her predecessor. The voice of truth still thuds, and the Greenpeace organization will live forever. One of my dreams is to sail on the Rainbow Warrior, as a matter of fact am volunteering as soon as i finish my BA.

Did you stop nodding?

Good. Cause for the next week, I am gonna be talking about crucial Greenpeace issues. I am gonna take you on a one week ride to the most life altering facts.

Buckle up.. wait.. we're not taking the car this time... first rule of thumb in living green.

Run... grab your running shoes people.

New Skin

2005-07-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you the story of a small girl who always dreamed of becoming an astronaut, and in some phase settled for Psychology, and finally realized her true destiny is with... well an english/spanish major or English language & Literature Major. We're talking about a girl who always prefered Minor chords while playing her guitar, and now it's time to pick a major, and then the Journalism option dawns in. I am not sure what i want to be if you ask me, i love writing, i love playing sports, i love design, i love music. I just love life, and i have so many dreams that i may need various lifetimes to achieve, but am determined to make some of them come true.

A new skin.. better or worse people? Comfy.. eyewise?? By the way, typewriters are one of my hobbies, I love reading about them, storing their pictures, and perhaps when i get older collect some of them. The typewriter featured in my blog, is one of my favorites beside the Oliver. The main advantage of this typwriter [Remington Noiseless 8]... as you can guess it's noiseless..

Noiseless.. just like my life, i am silent most of the time only thinking what to write in my very next story or novel. Come to think of it... Remington should be my middle name...

Music Freaks...

2005-07-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

Freakish, that's for Roba.. cause i've been hearing "Over The Hills And Far Away". And i read Roba's post and i am like holy crap!! Led Zepplin, The Beatles, and Ace Of Base are must for my everyday, especially in the stressful days... "As My Guitar Weeps" keeps on spinning in my head all day. Since we're talking about music today, let's discuss peer pressure... hmm seems irrelevant huh??

You see in my school days (it sounds so far away), I used to notice how the "Musical Tastes" of my fellow friends were affected by the "Music Police". So you always hear the "Fashion Police", "Music Police" is a very simliar term with a few differences, at least when you follow some fashion you can comprehend what color you're wearing, or what kind of trousers you bought. So the cool popular girl in school loves a godforsaken band that doesn't even play their chords right, and the rest of the school follow blindly... because it's stylish to hear Avril Lavigne when you're wearing those black jelly bracelets, and it's easy to love Amr Diab when everyone seems to love him (Hey, am his biggest fan however), and it's even more great to listen to thy stylish cute guy who dances
around.

Most of the girls were hearing what's "Hip" , rather what they really liked. I had to face a rather idiotic girl back in my days, as i was hearing Bob Marley's "Sun Is Shining", she tapped on my shoulder asking me what am hearing. And i said "Sun is shining."

Girl: "Is that a beyonce song?"
Amino: No it's Bob Marley's.
Girl: "Meen hada?"
Amino: The King Of Reggae.
Girl: Hmm, eish ya3ni?
Amino: Reggae is a music genre originating from Jamaica. :: starting to get annoyed::
Girl: Zay Sean Paul?
Amino: 3aleeki noor, bs Bob was more into the Rastafari movement.
Girl: Meen?
Amino: nevermind *sigh*
Girl: Balla ma Sean Paul gamar.
Amino: *shrugs* ahaa..

Now that's the example of the first type of Music Fashion freaks.., and i refer to them as:
It's-either-top-of-the-charts-or-nothing people!

You shouldn't be hearing what's fashionable, you should adore the music rather than listen to it passively. And you shouldn't feel bad, when someone laughs if you say you're hearing Namie Amuro, Melissa Etheridge, Within Temptation, Morcheeba, or even Rupaul!! It's your taste of music, you shouldn't be influenced by what they "Think is good".

Then there is the "Hip Hop Cool" kind of people, who laugh when you tell them you're hearing anything but Rock and Hip Hop. And even mock you if you're hearing Britney or Thalia. Okay, note to self, i can't believe i just said the B Word.. did i ever mention how much Britney gets on my nerves (her songs are o-kay however). So if you're not hearing Linkin Park or 50 Cent... then you're the biggest loser.

Now that's the example of the second type of Music Fashion Freaks... and i refer to them as:
The Obnoxious Delirious Jay-Z Wannabes.

Finally, there are those who start to judge you according to what you're hearing. so, if the singer is a drug
addict, they lecture you about his addiction, if he's ugly they preach that he's hideous. Do i care if his
great-great grandmother was a prostitute, or if people say he's dating a woman 30 years younger. Look, leave
people alone 'kay? They didn't bring their music into life so we can judge them. So these kind of people start
telling you what to hear and what not to hear, according to their sense of right and wrong, and their obligation
to save you from hell.

Now that's the example of the third type of Music Fashion Freaks... and i refer to them as:
Hear-my-music-or-be-judged people!!

Does this sound gibberish to anyone? Cause am sure at least one of you got into this situation. Music is a form of self expression, i don't think everyone will like it the same way. So live with your music...

Stand Up Straight...

2005-07-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

Ever been the refugee camps in Jordan? Camps like Zezya, Shnelar, Baqa'a, Al Hussian. When my parents were young, they travelled along with the hordes of refugees in 42' and 67'. And although, they spent a short period of time in those camps, just like almost any Palestinian did, a forever connection was built. I was born in Amman, in a life of luxury and prosperity, I never knew the meaning of being kicked out of your own country, or suffering poverty, or living in tents. I cried when my parents refused to buy me a guitar, when others in those camps cried searching for jobs to support their families. And maybe because my parents were young, they don't remember much of it. But yesterday i visited my distant relatives who never managed to propser and get out of those camps. And unlike what you think, am not ashamed of who i am. Those are my people, and those are my family.

They heard about my writings about Jordan and it's current situation. They heard am criticising certain aspects in our country, and one of them said as i drank the most delicious tea in my life, sitting on the ground. "I think you came to the right place, i don't think you'll find anything positive here."

But, actually, let me tell you something that means the world to me. I came from my world where I complain about not going out with my friends or bad quality cinemas, to see the reality, to wake up from this bogus i am living. And although they didn't have much, the streets were muddy, and the houses where small... I saw the highest class of people. People who were generous, kind, and white-hearted, and i although i haven't been visiting them for a long time, they greeted me warmly and i didn't feel like a stranger. I sat there, and i don't know most of the faces, but i felt welcomed and happy. The neighbors knocked, and sat, all like family. The babies i barely knew, came to play with me refering to me as their "cousin" and although i am not, that's how they were raised: commitment, family connection, and hospitality.

Their simplicity dazzled me, and i talked to the old ladies asking them how they got here. And their storage of almost 70 years of memories flowed into my notebook. How the tents were blown in the winter, how the UNRWA helped them build their modest homes and distrubted various supplies every month. They revealed to me their mysterious connection with Sardines, that were distrubted weekly to the refugees. And before i could finish my sentence, one of the younger mothers said to me "You should be a journalist. Did you finish the Tawjihi?"

And i paused for a second telling her that i didn't sit for the Tawjihi exams, rather sat for the IGCSE externals. And of course they were baffled, and in the end i said "Yes i finished Tawjihi." And they smiled at me, wishing me the best of luck, and praying for god to keep me safe. And even though, they didn't get the best of life, the best of education, and the best of conditions... some of them suceeded and obtained their MA's and Phds. On my way home, i thought of them... and their courage. And i felt the sudden urge to write this, and tell you, one of my countries best qualities: we may complain, we may live a harsh life, but we have hearts of gold ready to accept anyone in need.

A lot don't admit that their relatives,parents,siblings lived in refugee camps, or still do. But I am
telling you my friend, you shouldn't be ashamed of where you come from, especially if they're the refugee camps, because they are the most bold, courageous, and determined people in life, who strive for change all the time. Why i wrote this? As i continue to live my privilaged life, that my dear parents gave me through their struggle and hard work, I tell you we should be grateful for who we are now, no matter what's the situation. Stand up straight, now is the time to make your change.

London Attacks...

2005-07-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

Terrorism…

Maybe that's the common keyword, 9/11 or the Madrid attacks, and now the London Attacks. Anyone familiar with the "Kyoto Protocol", the famous amendment to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, may connect the dots and find the peculiar relation between investors, global warming, oil, and the G8 summit.

The Kyoto Protocol simply obliges the countries who ratified to reduce their levels of the greenhouse gases by %5 compared to the 1990 levels. The United States of America, the largest emitter of the greenhouse gases did not ratify this Protocol. Why? Simply because the implications of such a protocol needs a Hercules Budget to reduce the emissions from their Weapons Factories, and other factories. So why does did Bush and his government condemn earth, because simply a board of zillionaire investors pressure the government, yes believe it or not. You wanna us to install filters, go ahead Mr. Bush, we're not wasting our money, let your government do it.

And here the government screams, since their social security system is about to declare it's bankrupty by 2015. Not enough money? The economy still suffering from the 9/11, and the money wells they expected to find in the Iraqi's Oil didn't show up as they expected. And in the very same day where Bush comes up in the G8 summit to announce his country's decision to the Kyoto Protocol remains unchanged, a chain of seven attacks hit London. And pay attention to the "Seven" number, because the human mind thinks logically, they'll think.. The G8.. and seven attacks, holy crap this organized, there must be the 8th final attack. The people panic, the news agencies are busy with the seven attacks, and no one reads on the Google News how Mr. Bush the knight in shining armor refused the Protocol yet again, possibly terminating the future of earth. But what the heck? He's not gonna live to suffer anyway, the new generation will. And everyone will gluw it to Al-Qaeda, since gullible creatures could link that to the fact that the G8 is a summit fighting terrorism, and they decided to take revenge. Yes, people sadly... this is my own opinion that may be wrong. But Terrorism my friend is an overused explanation for our money's greed. We shall parish, and money will not save us.

I Hope You Dance...

2005-07-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine wrote a letter for me before travelling, which made me ponder a lot of things in life. She wrote me something so true "Life will go on, we may never meet again, but i want you to know that you'll always be someone special to my heart." Yes, that was the kind of thing i wanna hear, not the whole "You'll be my friend forever and ever" crap. And in the end she included a note "I'll be buying your books." A very short note of love, friendship, and faith. Her seven sentences letter made me feel special, and happy because we were both realistic.

People change at this stage of life, you will lose friends, gain friends, travel to new places, and have new experiences. And i'd be lying to you if i say am not annoyed by all this, part of me still wants to stay with my childhood friends forever. But this is life. And yes, most of us are scattered now in different places in the globe to pursue their goals - and we may never meet again. But am sure one day, i'll meet a person and i'd say "You have the same smile of a friend i had". They'll always be in our hearts, cause it's not just a "phase" it's an entity of what makes us the person we are now.

For all those friends i am gonna miss, I wish you all luck in life, and hope you'll always remember me like last time we met. I hope if we meet again, you'll still see me in the same energy, strength, and character. I rewind the tape of our graduation, and I may seem angry with all the ceremony, but that "I Hope You Dance." song will be forever in my heart as long as i live, my eyes are almost teary when i hear it, remembering all the memories we had. Remembering the classes, the teachers, the fights, the hangouts, the pranks, and the punishments. I can't get any more sentimental than this, but to the class of 2005, I say to you "I hope you dance."

Sexuality and Sex and the Arabic Taboo

2005-07-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

Warning: for those uncomfortable with the word "Human sexuality", buzz off.

A note to the reader: Yes am a girl, Yes am Jordanian, and Yes I am writing
this. This is a long post, because it's a very important issue in my
opinion.

There you go , am a Jordanian girl who lived here all here life, and yes
*gasp* am gonna blurt it honestly for a simple reason: arab people encircle
themselves with the "3eeb, and Ma3alesh" dilemma. I went to the safeway to
encounter a rather different setting with no organization at all, something
like il 7esbeh, a very open system that you lose your way half through.
Maybe, the aisles idea wasn't that bad, but that's not the point. Am off on
my hunt for personal hygiene items such as toothpaste, deodorant, etc. And
there i am standing in front of the Sanitary Pads section, to use a more
Common name that you'll recognize- The Always Shelf. Yes, no matter how
commercials they put on TV, face it: Arabs still feel the 3eeb point. How?
Let me finish my story, so i baffled by the shuffled shelves, and then a
lady comes with her two young sons, and she whispers to them. "Wa2fo balash
7ada iyshoofni" She turns abruptly to the shelf, and snatches a pack barely
looking, and i can assure that's how the shelf got so messy. And she turns
bumping into me, and as i wake up from the shock, she apologizes and moves
away with her two sons. And i halted there mesmerized. Yes I did, and the
ladies who passed by, looked at me as if am committing a crime for standing
in front of the shelf for that long. No no, wait a second, did i just
witness that?

Did i just see a woman ashamed for what she is? Did i just see them hiding a
universal fact. What are you ashamed of lady? Your own body and sexuality?
And my father came back, sweating and nervous, and whispered "Are you done
yet?" And i said "No" and he answered "Well I’ll be in the fish department."
- And by the way we weren't buying any fish! Well i know the men's attitude
about this issue, and the whole "eww" episode. Wait? How did you come into
this world? Did they just peel the egg and you popped out? Why are woman
ashamed of what makes them the source of something so special, something so
divine: babies.

I shake my head, frustrated and i turn to the next section, to see an even
more dramatic trauma. Two ladies, who obviously don't read English, are
examining two small boxes - which look exactly like the raspberry candy
boxes. And they stand there innocently, baffled by their content, and i hear
them say as i hide in the corner "Yimken 3elkeh" Yes Yes, close enough
ladies, they're holding a box of condoms! And i approached them stocked with
courage and i pretend to be scrambling with the shelves, and i say "Laish
7ateen Adweyeh hoon." Yes imagine, I had to say that, because i am sure 3/4
of the Jordanian community do not know what a condom is! And they move
away, nodding, and i move away also nodding. The price label on the shelf
had their name written in English too, not a single Arabic translation. Now,
tell me why? Are we English or American, why not put an Arabic label if
you're so confident about what you're selling. Why aren't the condemns in
the Pharmacy section, believe it or not, we're not a foreign country where
you can sell condoms in the supermarket, for a simple reason: some people
might even carry it to the cashier thinking "It's 3elkeh"

And we have such ignorance regarding our sexuality, two good reasons:

1) We don't have a sexual education class assigned in our compulsory
Curriculum that ranges from ruins you never visit to advanced chemical
formula.

2) Sexuality, is the "Hush Hush" issue, starting from sexual impotence, to
fertility problems, and ending with STDs.

Why don't we have a Sex Education Class? Because a very furious father will
barge into school and say "What are you teaching my daughter?" And a enraged
mother would complain "Mish il mafrood itfat7o 3eneeha 3ala haik ashay2."
What? So the whole talk the mother gives her daughter before the wedding
night is still the fashion. In which, she skips half of the important stuff,
because she's too shy to discuss it.

A more controversial issue, my friend once told me that when a sex scene pops in some movie, her father orders the girls to go to sleep. And leaves his son watching, and when she protested to her mother, the mom answered: "howeh shab lazem yet3alam"

What the? He's a guy; you're leaving him to learn from porn movies, and cheap
sex scenes? Instead of decent, scientific education class, your alternative
is movies? And because she's a girl, she shouldn't know anything about her
sexuality? Did you know that many girls i met, didn't even know why they get
their periods, their mother simply didn't tell them.

And please let's not shield our ignorance and glue it to Islam. I don't
think educating your children to live a healthy life is against Islam or any
religion in this world. Half of the bed death marriages occur because of the
lack of sexual awareness. Here you go, i gave you my 10 cents in an issue
which is a taboo, and even more dangerous for a girl to talk about. This is
reaching the degree of absurdity, wake up people!

The Jordanian Bookclub

2005-07-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

The very nonrich,african-(the american part missing), Aminoprah needs your attention!!

Are you a bookworm? Ever wished you could discuss that amazing book you read with someone sharing your passion? Now is the time, the newly founded Jordanian Bookclub invites to sign up! Before the start of every season, you can vote for your choice of book, the reading slumber starts from the day of picking the anointed book until the meetup date. Your reading slumber stretches over the span of one month, in which you can enjoy and prepare for the final battle: the discussion. An mindblowing discussion will be held, where you can spill the beans of your mind, and finally decide if you wish to rate the book or not. The Rating system will be a guide to all other readers, that wish to buy the book or grant it a month of their life. Got something to say? Are you writing your own journey too? The "In Their Words" Section will grant you the opprotunity to post your new creations. Seems tempting don't you think? Go ahead and join our first Jordanian Bookclub!

For more information please contact....
Amino

Suicide Hotline.. Please wait

2005-07-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

Suicide hotline... Please wait, we will answe your call immediately and if we don't this means that our internet server is down and we don't have the guts to explain to our "beloved" customers the real reason!! Yep, am not gonna mention the Internet Company's name, cause i don't wanna give them bad publicity. But here's a few notes about Customer Support:

a) The "We could be heros" song rings in your ear for almost 20 minutes, until finally a rather blessed employee picks up the phone. [One tip: we could be heros, believe me, answering the phone quickly is enough for us!]

b) Customer Support X: Customer Support X, how may i help you? May i spin around the problem for the next 5 minutes until u get bored, and i fix it when i am in the mood.

c) Customer Support X: Can you hold on for a second? [And a lifetime passes and then..] Look, can i call you back [they never do]! Aha.. what's your number...

d) Customer Support X: Aha, so what's your problem again. Aha.. did u check the username and password [Of course, u know the whole department by now, since each one throws the trouble into the other's lap]... Oh so you checked the password. Hmm!! You know what, wait a second [Tooot Toot, call transfered to a new Friendly Helpful Gleeful C.S X)

Anyone familiar with this whole routine? And here's a shocking story, one time i had a problem with my internet, and i called up customer support!! And guess what... the customer support lady told me to hold for a second, and obviously she forgot to put me on hold, and i heard her talking to her collegues around her about her sister's wedding! Okay, pardon my french, but isn't this a C.S department, you're supposed to be suppporttinnggg MEEEE. Yes Me ME and only Me: the selfish, ignorant, illeritate customer who every calls everytime for you to ask "P from pig or from big!" God damn it!! I've been speaking for three years in foriegn conventions, my english is fine... get to the problem will ya?

Now "C for customer support or for crapland"!!

A Jordanian Rhapsody

2005-07-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are not familiar with the term "Rhapsody":
Rhapsody:free-form musical composition: a composition that is often irregular in form, emotional in effect, and improvisational in nature

Now keep in mind that definition as i take you on your first concert to hear that Rhapsody. I am sure you've stopped by the order of a rather abnoxious traffic light during this week. You know the whole Red = stop, orange= get ready, and green=go.

In Jordan we have a different system, it's Red=stop and buy jareedeh. Orange =HONK like there is no tomorrow, green= actually nothing because most of the cars would be gone by the time they see the orange orb. Unless...

Unless a rather mischievous individual of the Jordanian community, god forbid, decides to wait for the green light, or has trouble starting his car. And then the real Rhapsody begins, still keeping that definition in mind? The irregular and random HONKS begin to escalate, the emotional curses even reach the individual's great-great-great grandfather - who did not expect by nature to be disturbed decades later, he turns (betgalab) in his grave uneasily. And finally the improvisational part lands, where cars decide to dodge the cursed criminal by switching to the other lane (even if it's full, somehow they'll barge), and finally honk when passing by the godforsaken criminal and scream - eli rabna begaderhom 3aleeh- in the face of the driver. Now... i don't know if you spend so much money abroad going to concerts, cause we get to see concerts almost everyday from the week ranging from the road Rhapsody, to the Bank Line Rhapsody, and finally with the Bread/Homos/Any kind of food Line Rhapsody.

Concerts for money are a total rip off people wake up!!

Ween Sara7ti

2005-07-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Life gave up its dwellers and shadows crawled silently to the unknown. Life starts with a choice, that’s what they said when the earth was spinning with unknown creatures, with unknown purposes. Flipping textbooks and scanning eyes is no common weapon, where all the life dwellers vow to be honest and sincere, only to grow into furious vultures sweeping any person in their way. Just like that life is; ironic, maybe filled with contradiction and hidden corruptions lairs.

You walk every day to your destination, holding a cup of coffee, and millions of papers packed in your bag, extra tissues, extra pens, extra sandwiches, and extra of every single thing you might not need through the day. And just when you reach your destination, you think “why am I holding all these stuff?” The conflict escalates , how come we carry an extra of every single solid thing around us, but can not carry a bit of abstract communication skills that could actually save us time. The roadblocks we put in the pathway to our heart, is like a parade of mad officers waiting for some UN advisor who may never come, because of a plane delay. This is the harsh truth; our communications skills in the Arab world are not effective starting from Taxi drivers who snap at you “I don’t have change,” and ending with car rentals that sho the young customers with “Egleb wejhak men hoon 3amo!”

Go to a car gallery wearing jeans and t-shirt, and see how no one of the car salesman would even look at you. Wear a black suit and tie and pretend to flicker with your mobile bored, and see how hordes of salesman would rush to your service. We are taught to respect the image the society drew for us of a decent man. We are respecting shallowness; we are respecting a suit and tie. I don’t think Alzheimer should be of a higher priority for our health officers right now. I believe we should cure the disease of “Shallowness”. They shouldn’t be eradicating corruption right now, but rather uprooting the concept that a man buying a Mercedes XLM7T (god knows what model), through bank loans, is a better man that one riding a Honda. Your car does not define you, your clothes do not either, and I should include the “beautiful face” factor.

Should jobs be granted to beautiful girls, and should respect be paid to the guy with the BMW? My parents were startled when I said “I want to buy a bike.”

Why a bike? You exercise everyday, for a cheap price, and you do not harm the O-zone layer, and you could use your money for a better cause. A full package for less than $200, but I won’t be a hypocrite, yes it is a dream for me to buy a car. Yes, as stunning as it may seem after all I wrote. I wish to have a huge Honda CRV with the huge space, so I may carry all sorts of equipment to the Orphanages, and aid to the refugee camps, or go to my dream café where all intellectuals are sitting in peace, enjoying a nice book discussion. And when the café is well built, I want to write my novels and sell them. Put some of the money away for my life, and use the rest to help those in Kenya and Darfur, or Cambodia. I want to adopt a child from each continent, and sit on my porch teaching them how to play the guitar, and in the night finish writing my book to help all those wanting to commit suicide. So much, so much inside of me. And I don’t say those dreams often, because right after the “equipment to Orphanages” part, my fellow friends laugh and start discussing where they want to go next Thursday. And I gaze through the café window, looking at the horizon, and I see myself in those baggy khakis break dancing, Elvis Presley’s “A little less conversation” echoing in my mind, and I spin on my head and spin, my dreams swirling endlessly, until my friend nudges me in the rib and says “Ween sara7ti.” And I reply “I was thinking about my new bike.”

P.S: if you didn’t hear the song yet, download the Elvis Presley Vs JXL version, close your eyes, and dance; even if you don’t know how, just spin and spin and see all the energy inside you waiting to be released.

Trouble...

2005-07-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

Well, i had all sorts of trouble with my blog during the last two days, i even had to remove my huge post, mainly because mysterious o:p tags appeared in the xml feed. Anyho, problem solved, and i'll be reposting what i deleted. My day was a total mess, and i still have to study french. Since, am a Sims addict, i've been playing Sims 2 for the past three hours (in the time i am supposed to be solving homework!). LOL! And you think when you finish school you'll get rid of homework!! So my friends in the tawjihi finished today, but i didn't go out with them.
Well... that's it for now, am working on my new idea. So i'll post later on informing everyone.

Poem Of The Week

2005-07-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

Um.. poem of the week by the very famous poet... actually no I wish i could add that introduction, this poem is by me!!

The Law of Sigma
By Amino

By the river of shining dreams,
And the shadows of gelled trees,
Nothing of what you see is what it seems.
With your standards and idealistic sieve,
You pull the dreams like a magician embracing a rabbit,
Hopping, turning, and chuckling with no relief.
You try to corner the habit,
Trying to be a willow when all in you is pine.

Voices sift, thunder thuds, and the moon sleeps,
I stroke my hair gently, detangling the abraded vine.
I cling to courage and shatter the weeps.
I dive in oceans of enchanted enigma,
I despise deductions, reductions, and abductions…
I believe in the law sigma…

All I live for is to add a dream.
And I’ve learnt to abnegate the pursuit of diamonds and gold,
Diamonds are not forever, nor is the swimming team.
Nor is your face, nor is your faith….
I swim for as long my body can hold,
Until I grow old, cold, with ornaments of mold.
Add a dream, subtract a fear,
Seek the equal you’ll find the happiness,
Learn to appreciate what’s near,
But seek the far nonetheless,
I sought what I bought,
A life with mourning pleasures and stiff ambitions,
Take yourself lighter, you won’t be caught,
Believe in the law of sigma, detest the frivolous division.

By the river of shining dreams,
Befriend the gelled trees,
When all you see is not what it seems,
The reality of your warm blood will keep you safe,
Believe in the law of sigma,
Seek the equal…

Humor Me :: Weekly Section ::

2005-07-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

Another unique story of "Jordanianism"!! Ever met anyone with the "I know you"
syndrome, well in case you didn't let me share my very unique experience with
those "Knowisms". You see, you meet someone who barely knows you, or perhaps is a
distant acquaintance you met through your friends connection. You are sitting in a
group enjoying a silly discussions the ones you have under the influence (since
you're dizzy with all the hubbly bubblies around)and then (as usual) the
unpredictable happens, that person speaks up and analyzes your opinion in relation
to your personality, and then adds "I know you amino". You can imagine my shock
when someone i barely know.. goes on like this.

Amino: no really am okay, am just feeling dizzy from the smoke.
Knowism: I know you're sad and depressed.
Amino: no am not
Knowism: look, i can see it in your eyes, you are trying to hide it but it's not
working.
Amino: huh?
Knowism: Suppressing feelings only leads to *knowism continues to ramble as a
certified shrink although the qualifications on his CV differs*
Amino: am not suppressing anything, am just dizzy from the smoke.
Knowism: i know you amino, you can trust me.
Amino: Uhh.
*40 Minutes Later*

Knowism: Look you should eat meat. You just had a bad experience akeed, you'll get
out of this phase as soon as you change this attitude you have, you love meat deep
down inside you. You have to eat meat, and i am sure you will stop being a
vegetarian, and remember when that happens to say Knowism was right.

Okay... PAAAUUUSE, what the **** just happened here? We don't know each other, and
the person is already starting with "I know you." And then giving me advice about
my life, and then trying to convince me with something i am not. Who on earth gave
you the idea that "Am denying my love for meat". Who on earth gave you the idea
that am Anti-meat, and finally who on earth asked for your opinion?

Now, here are a few tips for eradicating the "Knowism" syndrome:

a) You can not possibly know a person you've met twice.
b) You should not interfer in someone's life, no matter how itchy your skin gets,
and the desire for an on-spot advice.
c) No matter how right you think you are, shut up!!
Now, maybe Knowisms exist abroad, but am only gonna comment on the ones i've met.
Whenever, you're speaking about any other soul except you, there is a %70 that
you're wrong. That's why... we have different names people. We really need to work

on our definitions of "Privacy" and "Red Line"

What is your World View?

2005-07-01T00:03:00.000-07:00

From Rooby's blog, i got this quiz that seemed interesting... well Cultural Creative.. who would have guessed that?

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

100%

Existentialist

88%

Postmodernist

75%

Idealist

75%

Modernist

63%

Materialist

63%

Romanticist

25%

Fundamentalist

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

What defines you...

2005-06-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

I had a fight with my mom today about something so silly: a mug!! Yep, a mug with ears and a nose. One of those childish green ones that adults despise. And we were both screaming at the top of our lungs, and then i said "Why didn't you just throw me in some abbey!" and the thud of my bedroom door woke the neighbors up i guess. And for 15 whole minutes, all these angry thoughts swarmed through my head, starting from suicide to running away, and then it was converted into sexism anger, and then onto the fuel rates in the next two weeks, and finally to the fact that i am having a hard time in the french class. And here's my point, we were both angry at other things, and we were screaming not because of that "sweet adorable" *cough cough* "that monsterous green mug" it was because we had a package of anger downloaded and archieved into our system. After the download, we didn't talk about it, and in the end we fought over a mug! And when i realized that, I thought, am becoming everything that i despise, am not being honest about my feelings, am not apologizing, am shutting the world out, and am giving up. The very same qualities i hate and criticise. So i went back into the room, and said "I am sorry, i didn't mean to scream, and i didn't mean to nag"
Whoa, that must be a life changing moment don't you think. Why did i do that? Because i realized that in their time, the parents were superior, and they had no right to argue with them. And also in their time, their parents never apologized to them, cause you're the child and we're your life donars. Believe it or not, when i thought of it that way, i calmed down. Just like i was exposed to a different life at school, they were exposed to a conversative lifestyle and strict rules. I may not understand them, but i know i don't want them to change me, that's why i'd be a hypocrite to ask them to change.
I always said, that a person should adapt with his present environment, but i know that even if twenty years later I'd still be me, the very same person with few additions depending on the experiences i go through.
But am not saying this is the end, the fight for what i believe in is long. My journey is long, and everytime i get angry i remember that incident in 7th grade.

I was in trouble for an article i wrote about corruption and my favorite teacher told me "What you wrote is wrong." and i said to her "It's wrong because you're You and am me. What defines you as a human being does not define me." I still remember that day, and how she smiled sarcastically and said "3am btemshi 3akes il tayar, ra7 tet3abi kteer be 7ayatek."

So here's what i want from you, anyone who is reading this, follow your dreams, channel your anger into energy to keep you going. Fight for what you believe in, and if one day you hear "3am btemshi 3akes il tayar." Remember what i said "it's wrong because you're You and am me. What defines you as a human being does not define me."

Human Layers...

2005-06-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

“Dear Angie”,
Those were the very first words in each diary entry of my journal for the past five years. Do you believe in guardian angels? Do you believe that somewhere in this vast universe there is a soul looking after you, making sure you’ll never give up? I once had this dream that am running away, no am lying; I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember. I always thought Angie gave me this dream, trying to deliver a ciphered goal that I may never understand. My guardian angel is two not one, and sometimes even many – schizophrenia is the likely term – but I couldn’t care more or less. People are made of complex layers, each layer functioning to serve the other, until one day one layer detaches itself – like a baby barging from his mom’s womb. It comes to light and grows and grows until all the people see is that layer, that image, and that label.

“Do you know Emily?”

“The annoying ?”

“Do you know Amino?”

“The Book Worm?”

These are critical elements of our daily conversations – labels. Our greedy layer who decided to emerge from between the herd defines us whether we like it or not. And although there are so many layers within, so many diverse and amazing traits hidden, we play by the rules of that layer. Everything’s proportional whether we like it or not, and the more we fight our label and layer the more it grows stronger. But i tell you one thing, wake up each day and insist that "The Greedy Layer" won't define you. Fight even if it grows stronger, fight even if you don't suceed, because there is so much in you that needs to be shown to this world- there is so much in you that i wish to see. Humans are complex beings my friend, stop babbling about living a simple life – such does not exist.

Thank you....

2005-06-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank everybody in the Jordan Planet community for the warm welcome. Hope we can be friends! Three hours of french, and i was yawning nonstop, humming 50 Cent's "Hate it Or Love it". Oh here's the 50 Cent topic again, you see i love Eminem's songs because of their music most of the time - also applies to 50 Cent, so here's what i do, I download the instrumental versions. Look, i've got nothing against rap, but you see quoting Eminem 'they say music can alter moods and talk to you!" (Sing For the Moment reference); and i don't need to spend my whole day in anger losing my positive energies. I believe Rap is the condensed form of all human misery, it's so touching - so even if you're not in a broken home you'll feel like it.

Speaking of songs, here are some sad songs that are my favorite of all times arranged in order of favor:

Cry - Alex Parks
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
Breathe - Melissa Etheridge
Numb - Linkin Park
Somewhere i belong - Linkin Park
Eyes Never Dry - Outlandish
My Immortal - Evanescence
Walou - Outlandish

Peace!!

I wish...

2005-06-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

After my french class, i went to Books @ cafe to meet my friends since it's Agi's birthday. It turned out great, but for a minor glitch "my parents are angry", let's guess why, cause they don't want me to go out more than once a week, and even in this one time they're gonna turn my life into a living hell - not because they hate but because am a girl and we're a conservative family. Just because i was born a girl, i tend to miss out on most of the life events, and just because my brother doesn't go out much, then i should burry myself and die. Here is the typical answer "Do you see us going out all the time?" Well- all the time basically means twice a week in their language, and second point if you're gonna be "a social animal" that you are, doesn't mean i should be. Third, "Go out with us", look not everything in life is family kay? This is annoying, this is frustrating, and this a journal of a very frustrated girl living in a conservation society where girls should be burried (it would be better than shielding them 24/7). It bugs me to think, that we need protection, that we're helpless and we should stay at home because "What will people say?" Look - What will people say will say it anyway. Anyho, if i could.. wish something right now.. i'd wish i was free...

Smile! You've been "OC"eed!!

2005-06-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the thing, french class is tough, and i gotta do my homework *gasp gasp*. Can you imagine am actually saying it? Twelve years of school, and now they tell me "there is homework again!!" I thought that stage was over, so anyway i finished my class and i went to my dad's office, passed by the bookstore to get the latest issue of On Campus. It's one of my favorite magazines, i even like it better than the foriegn ones for two reasons:

a) It's written by people who are living my kind of life.
b) It's not packed with How-To Articles that don't even apply in jordan.

I sent a submission today, won't it be cool if i became in the team of my favorite magazine... am so enthusiastic now. For those who don't know OC, grab a copy from any bookstore/supermarket and pray for me (trust me it won't let you down). Why pay to buy smash hits, when you can buy a jordanian all in one package.

Parlez Vous Francais?

2005-06-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

Ah! The start of a new french course, isn't that exciting. Three hours daily of french along with numberless missed calls and messages. Yesterday was my first class, and let's put it this way: i need a redbull!! My teacher is really sweet, she's called Mme Martine. One problem though, she's french, and i can't understand what she's saying, and i felt like a total idiot sitting between those people. So i am gonna work twice as hard!! I slept yesterday at 9:00, *gasp* I know, amazing isn't it! I was so tired, am glad the french classes came by! I've been doing some research about the poverty in jordan, am going to post it soon! Yesterday i went to see Farah, and i was overzealous,her sister Leeno *mashallah 3aleeha* she's the cutest, and i saw Farah's dad and had this amazing conversation with, (it's nice since no one is ready to discuss poverty in jordan and refugee camps). Then, i went back home!! And the rest no comment really!! Gotta go get ready and revise french (it's from 9 am - 12 pm) LOL!!

Peace

Hebrew?

2005-06-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

I feel so unproductive today, since am still sick, and i can't concentrate. I have to finish my short story... it's just so confusing...

a) How will they escape.
b) Which ending should i use

You see i've written two endings and i don't know which one to use.

c) I am annoyed by the fact that my friend told me "You're using hebrew references."

Okay let's get this straight: hebrews are not our enemies, we are not fighting religion, we are fighting those who took our land. And anyho no one accepts my point of view, that they should try to settle down, and reach an agreement and end the bloodshed for two reasons:

a) The Isralis won't leave Palestine.
b) The Palestinians won't leave either.

So by common sense: TRY TO LIVE TOGETHER!!

Sick and Tired

2005-06-23T12:30:00.000-07:00

Woke up late, as usual, but this time i have an excuse: am sick. I've been sleeping 24/7, like i've got necrolepsy or something. I dreamt that i have a horse buddy imagine!! And may i just say: he's the cutest, always hungry --> which supports the "Eating Like a Horse" simile. I've got to finish my work!! Yes, Yes i know this sounds weird, but a 17 year old can have work to do other than chatting and surfing the web. I gotta work with Gabrielle (that's my character), we need to finish the story before september!! You know deadlines are killers. Also, am gonna work on my new adventure game propsal, sounds lame huh? Well, I believe i've played ever singly adventure game on market, starting from Monkey Island and ending with the very disappointing Scarpland (which should be named Crapland). Maybe it's time for me to try?

Festival Du Film Franco Arabe

2005-06-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Sous le haut patronage de son altesse royale la princesse Rym Ali

11eme festival du film franco-arabe

Amman 25 Juin/ 2 Juillet 2005 - Centre Al Hussein, Ras Al Ain

Okay... gist.. there is a film festival arranged by the French center, for franco-arabic films (meaning those who were occupied by france). If anyone is interested... please leave a comment and i'll send you the details.

P.S: this is a great even which i love, everyone reading this should go!

Poem Of The Week

2005-06-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

In this week's section of Poem Of The Week, I introduce to you: Walt Whitman, the famous american poet, and being one of my favorites, i just had to post this. My favorite verses are in red.

I ascend from the moon . . . . I ascend from the night,
And perceive of the ghastly glitter the sunbeams reflected,
And debouch to the steady and central from the offspring great or small.

There is that in me . . . . I do not know what it is . . . . but I know it is in me.

Wrenched and sweaty . . . . calm and cool then my body becomes;
I sleep . . . . I sleep long.

I do not know it . . . . it is without name . . . . it is a word unsaid,
It is not in any dictionary or utterance or symbol.

Something it swings on more than the earth I swing on,
To it the creation is the friend whose embracing awakes me.

Perhaps I might tell more . . . . Outlines! I plead for my brothers and sisters.

Do you see O my brothers and sisters?
It is not chaos or death . . . . it is form and union and plan . . . . it is eternal life . . . .
it is happiness.

The past and present wilt . . . . I have filled them and emptied them,
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.

Listener up there! Here you . . . . what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
Talk honestly, for no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.

I concentrate toward them that are nigh . . . . I wait on the door-slab.

Who has done his day's work and will soonest be through with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?

Will you speak before I am gone? Will you prove already too late?

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me . . . . he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed . . . . I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

The last scud of day holds back for me,

This poem was taken from "Leaves Of Grass", to access the only copy click here.

Who's To Say

2005-06-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

So, who's to say - a doctor is better than a poet, and engineer is better than an athlete. I bet half of the kids raised on earth hear the sentence "inshallah yekbar w yseer doctor ad il denya" perhaps in a different language. Why is it always the same prayer? Unlike what most people think, everything in the world counts, without literature there won't be balance, without music life would be boring, without sports people will be unhealthy. Everything in this world is essential and vital, and i don't think an English Teacher is less important than a Doctor or Dancer. Everyone is destined for a certain job and goal! But again- Who's to say?

Humor Me People

2005-06-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

:: This is my weekly Humor Me section one of five sections i will post on weekly basis, here i will post vivid experiences of my existance... which mainly cause me to stand back and say "Wow... did i say humor me people?"

I tend to experience a unique story of "Jordanianism" every sunday, or must i say "Arabicism". What am talking about, isn't a question of civility or being a third world country. But first let me dispense this piece of advice to all arabic people reading this :: Ismha Maktabeh mish gahweh :: - Library is not equal to cafe!! So I visit the British Council every sunday, carrying my two books and two videos that i got last week, i enter with a huge smile on my face - ahh nothing like the joy of books. I go to my favorite section, and am scanning the shelves and then the unpredicted happens: i hear people talking. And i don't mean by talking, like whispering, i mean like normal talking with the very same tone you use sitting in a cafe or in a club. I don't know why everytime this happens, i find this unpredictable, i mean.. here are a few notes:

a) You don't talk in a library.
b) You don't eat Flafel Sandwiches.
c) You don't stand in the middle of aisle gazing at the sky daydreaming, people need to pass and check the books.
d) You don't use mobiles.
e) You take a number and wait in line.

Now, a lot may think i am bashing my existance as an Arab. But the surprising fact, that never in my whole life in any library did i see anyone other than Arabs and Ukranians talking - and the Ukranian ladies tend to have high pitched tones as a bonus. Is it too much to ask? We really need to work on our definitions of libraries!!

Amino What?

2005-06-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

- So let's set the record straight... They call me Amino and here are some things to watch out for:

a) No am not a guy (god only knows why people feel "Amino" is a guyish name). So let's stress on the Female aspect.

b) I like being called Amino, yet guys, i got sick of the typical joke/comment/i am trying to be a comedian
X: "Amino?"...
Me: aha..
X: what like Amino Acids *chuckle*.
Me: Yeah, very funny, you amuse me, you rock my world!! *frown*

c) Am not exactly a big fan of biology, although ironically related to Amino acids. Before you start laughing, i got this name while being in a biology class, and all i knew was "Amino Acids" and of course the "Cell". I dropped Biology in 10th grade, and lived happily ever after, although i still love being called "Amino" cause it's funky!!

d) Is it you real name? okay refer to the previous line!! I prefer my newly acquired name "Amino", and i intend in the near future to propose that children should be able to pick their names themselves, nevertheless people, my real name is close enough.. if you rearrange it and add an "O" you'll get "Amino" aka my current used name.

- So.. what do i do? I am waiting to get in college, and am a writer... :: here comes the typical cynical face ::

Yes people, a writer!! I know i know, all this "But you're young" blah blah. But as a matter of fact, I am a published poet.. my poems were published in 3 different anthologies, i've been nominated for Poet Of the Year 2004, Poet Of the Year 2005, and entered into the Poetry's whose Who Edition. So people.. get a life okay? You see it's not about the age, it's about having a goal and trying to reach it!!

For additional information: visit www.poetry.com

- So are you usually that snobish?
No, am the sweetest person on the face of earth. Okay, okay, don't think am arrogant or something.. but here's a fact i've learned: you are not any different from Tom Cruise, Einstein, or even Angelina Jolie... they're all human. The only difference is: you look at the stars, they jumped out of the window to grab them, yes they could've fell into the garden, but some defied the first law of aerodynamics and gravity. You see, am gonna be a writer... watch me :)

- Do you have any hobbies other than writing/reading?

Um, am a guitarist, and athlete (Track and Field to be specific). I love dancing (yep don't panic, i may be a jordanian girl, but we don't live in tents anymore you know?), and finally i love designing/inventing stuff.

- How old are you?
Am almost 18.. and technically since am the youngest in the Class of 2005, when they're gonna be 50 am gonna be 49!! You see being born in December has advantages other than witnessing X-mas!

- Where do you live?

Amman, Jordan.

- What do you wanna study?

English Literature and Language, or perhaps Languages.

- So how many language you speak/learn now?
English, Arabic, French (not fluent), and Latin (i am learning on my own)

So i guess that's the best introduction i can give about myself!! Don't you just love blogs?!

Peace!

My Sanctum, My system...

2005-06-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

So here I'll be posting five additional sections on weekly basis: Poem of the Week, Book Of The Week, Who's To Say?, Coffee Anyone?, Humor Me!

Book Of The Week- I'll be reviewing the book i've read (and don't gasp, yes i read two books per week)

Poem Of The Week - I'll post my favorite poem for the week (watch out, mostly are mine hehe)

Who's To Say - Issues that make you think "Who's to say?"

Coffee Anyone - Highlights of the issues that stress the population of earth all the time.

Humor Me - Insights on the unpredictable situation that provoke the cynic in me - did i say humor me people?