Thursday, June 30, 2005

What defines you...

I had a fight with my mom today about something so silly: a mug!! Yep, a mug with ears and a nose. One of those childish green ones that adults despise. And we were both screaming at the top of our lungs, and then i said "Why didn't you just throw me in some abbey!" and the thud of my bedroom door woke the neighbors up i guess. And for 15 whole minutes, all these angry thoughts swarmed through my head, starting from suicide to running away, and then it was converted into sexism anger, and then onto the fuel rates in the next two weeks, and finally to the fact that i am having a hard time in the french class. And here's my point, we were both angry at other things, and we were screaming not because of that "sweet adorable" *cough cough* "that monsterous green mug" it was because we had a package of anger downloaded and archieved into our system. After the download, we didn't talk about it, and in the end we fought over a mug! And when i realized that, I thought, am becoming everything that i despise, am not being honest about my feelings, am not apologizing, am shutting the world out, and am giving up. The very same qualities i hate and criticise. So i went back into the room, and said "I am sorry, i didn't mean to scream, and i didn't mean to nag"
Whoa, that must be a life changing moment don't you think. Why did i do that? Because i realized that in their time, the parents were superior, and they had no right to argue with them. And also in their time, their parents never apologized to them, cause you're the child and we're your life donars. Believe it or not, when i thought of it that way, i calmed down. Just like i was exposed to a different life at school, they were exposed to a conversative lifestyle and strict rules. I may not understand them, but i know i don't want them to change me, that's why i'd be a hypocrite to ask them to change.
I always said, that a person should adapt with his present environment, but i know that even if twenty years later I'd still be me, the very same person with few additions depending on the experiences i go through.
But am not saying this is the end, the fight for what i believe in is long. My journey is long, and everytime i get angry i remember that incident in 7th grade.

I was in trouble for an article i wrote about corruption and my favorite teacher told me "What you wrote is wrong." and i said to her "It's wrong because you're You and am me. What defines you as a human being does not define me." I still remember that day, and how she smiled sarcastically and said "3am btemshi 3akes il tayar, ra7 tet3abi kteer be 7ayatek."

So here's what i want from you, anyone who is reading this, follow your dreams, channel your anger into energy to keep you going. Fight for what you believe in, and if one day you hear "3am btemshi 3akes il tayar." Remember what i said "it's wrong because you're You and am me. What defines you as a human being does not define me."

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Human Layers...

“Dear Angie”,
Those were the very first words in each diary entry of my journal for the past five years. Do you believe in guardian angels? Do you believe that somewhere in this vast universe there is a soul looking after you, making sure you’ll never give up? I once had this dream that am running away, no am lying; I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember. I always thought Angie gave me this dream, trying to deliver a ciphered goal that I may never understand. My guardian angel is two not one, and sometimes even many – schizophrenia is the likely term – but I couldn’t care more or less. People are made of complex layers, each layer functioning to serve the other, until one day one layer detaches itself – like a baby barging from his mom’s womb. It comes to light and grows and grows until all the people see is that layer, that image, and that label.

“Do you know Emily?”

“The annoying ?”

“Do you know Amino?”

“The Book Worm?”

These are critical elements of our daily conversations – labels. Our greedy layer who decided to emerge from between the herd defines us whether we like it or not. And although there are so many layers within, so many diverse and amazing traits hidden, we play by the rules of that layer. Everything’s proportional whether we like it or not, and the more we fight our label and layer the more it grows stronger. But i tell you one thing, wake up each day and insist that "The Greedy Layer" won't define you. Fight even if it grows stronger, fight even if you don't suceed, because there is so much in you that needs to be shown to this world- there is so much in you that i wish to see. Humans are complex beings my friend, stop babbling about living a simple life – such does not exist.

Thank you....

I'd like to thank everybody in the Jordan Planet community for the warm welcome. Hope we can be friends! Three hours of french, and i was yawning nonstop, humming 50 Cent's "Hate it Or Love it". Oh here's the 50 Cent topic again, you see i love Eminem's songs because of their music most of the time - also applies to 50 Cent, so here's what i do, I download the instrumental versions. Look, i've got nothing against rap, but you see quoting Eminem 'they say music can alter moods and talk to you!" (Sing For the Moment reference); and i don't need to spend my whole day in anger losing my positive energies. I believe Rap is the condensed form of all human misery, it's so touching - so even if you're not in a broken home you'll feel like it.

Speaking of songs, here are some sad songs that are my favorite of all times arranged in order of favor:

Cry - Alex Parks
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
Breathe - Melissa Etheridge
Numb - Linkin Park
Somewhere i belong - Linkin Park
Eyes Never Dry - Outlandish
My Immortal - Evanescence
Walou - Outlandish

Peace!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I wish...

After my french class, i went to Books @ cafe to meet my friends since it's Agi's birthday. It turned out great, but for a minor glitch "my parents are angry", let's guess why, cause they don't want me to go out more than once a week, and even in this one time they're gonna turn my life into a living hell - not because they hate but because am a girl and we're a conservative family. Just because i was born a girl, i tend to miss out on most of the life events, and just because my brother doesn't go out much, then i should burry myself and die. Here is the typical answer "Do you see us going out all the time?" Well- all the time basically means twice a week in their language, and second point if you're gonna be "a social animal" that you are, doesn't mean i should be. Third, "Go out with us", look not everything in life is family kay? This is annoying, this is frustrating, and this a journal of a very frustrated girl living in a conservation society where girls should be burried (it would be better than shielding them 24/7). It bugs me to think, that we need protection, that we're helpless and we should stay at home because "What will people say?" Look - What will people say will say it anyway. Anyho, if i could.. wish something right now.. i'd wish i was free...

Monday, June 27, 2005

Smile! You've been "OC"eed!!

Here's the thing, french class is tough, and i gotta do my homework *gasp gasp*. Can you imagine am actually saying it? Twelve years of school, and now they tell me "there is homework again!!" I thought that stage was over, so anyway i finished my class and i went to my dad's office, passed by the bookstore to get the latest issue of On Campus. It's one of my favorite magazines, i even like it better than the foriegn ones for two reasons:

a) It's written by people who are living my kind of life.
b) It's not packed with How-To Articles that don't even apply in jordan.

I sent a submission today, won't it be cool if i became in the team of my favorite magazine... am so enthusiastic now. For those who don't know OC, grab a copy from any bookstore/supermarket and pray for me (trust me it won't let you down). Why pay to buy smash hits, when you can buy a jordanian all in one package.

Parlez Vous Francais?

Ah! The start of a new french course, isn't that exciting. Three hours daily of french along with numberless missed calls and messages. Yesterday was my first class, and let's put it this way: i need a redbull!! My teacher is really sweet, she's called Mme Martine. One problem though, she's french, and i can't understand what she's saying, and i felt like a total idiot sitting between those people. So i am gonna work twice as hard!! I slept yesterday at 9:00, *gasp* I know, amazing isn't it! I was so tired, am glad the french classes came by! I've been doing some research about the poverty in jordan, am going to post it soon! Yesterday i went to see Farah, and i was overzealous,her sister Leeno *mashallah 3aleeha* she's the cutest, and i saw Farah's dad and had this amazing conversation with, (it's nice since no one is ready to discuss poverty in jordan and refugee camps). Then, i went back home!! And the rest no comment really!! Gotta go get ready and revise french (it's from 9 am - 12 pm) LOL!!


Peace

Friday, June 24, 2005

Hebrew?

I feel so unproductive today, since am still sick, and i can't concentrate. I have to finish my short story... it's just so confusing...

a) How will they escape.
b) Which ending should i use

You see i've written two endings and i don't know which one to use.

c) I am annoyed by the fact that my friend told me "You're using hebrew references."

Okay let's get this straight: hebrews are not our enemies, we are not fighting religion, we are fighting those who took our land. And anyho no one accepts my point of view, that they should try to settle down, and reach an agreement and end the bloodshed for two reasons:

a) The Isralis won't leave Palestine.
b) The Palestinians won't leave either.

So by common sense: TRY TO LIVE TOGETHER!!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Sick and Tired

Woke up late, as usual, but this time i have an excuse: am sick. I've been sleeping 24/7, like i've got necrolepsy or something. I dreamt that i have a horse buddy imagine!! And may i just say: he's the cutest, always hungry --> which supports the "Eating Like a Horse" simile. I've got to finish my work!! Yes, Yes i know this sounds weird, but a 17 year old can have work to do other than chatting and surfing the web. I gotta work with Gabrielle (that's my character), we need to finish the story before september!! You know deadlines are killers. Also, am gonna work on my new adventure game propsal, sounds lame huh? Well, I believe i've played ever singly adventure game on market, starting from Monkey Island and ending with the very disappointing Scarpland (which should be named Crapland). Maybe it's time for me to try?

Festival Du Film Franco Arabe

Sous le haut patronage de son altesse royale la princesse Rym Ali

11eme festival du film franco-arabe

Amman 25 Juin/ 2 Juillet 2005 - Centre Al Hussein, Ras Al Ain

Okay... gist.. there is a film festival arranged by the French center, for franco-arabic films (meaning those who were occupied by france). If anyone is interested... please leave a comment and i'll send you the details.

P.S: this is a great even which i love, everyone reading this should go!

Poem Of The Week

In this week's section of Poem Of The Week, I introduce to you: Walt Whitman, the famous american poet, and being one of my favorites, i just had to post this. My favorite verses are in red.

I ascend from the moon . . . . I ascend from the night,
And perceive of the ghastly glitter the sunbeams reflected,
And debouch to the steady and central from the offspring great or small.

There is that in me . . . . I do not know what it is . . . . but I know it is in me.

Wrenched and sweaty . . . . calm and cool then my body becomes;
I sleep . . . . I sleep long.

I do not know it . . . . it is without name . . . . it is a word unsaid,
It is not in any dictionary or utterance or symbol.

Something it swings on more than the earth I swing on,
To it the creation is the friend whose embracing awakes me.

Perhaps I might tell more . . . . Outlines! I plead for my brothers and sisters.

Do you see O my brothers and sisters?
It is not chaos or death . . . . it is form and union and plan . . . . it is eternal life . . . .
it is happiness.

The past and present wilt . . . . I have filled them and emptied them,
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.

Listener up there! Here you . . . . what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
Talk honestly, for no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.

I concentrate toward them that are nigh . . . . I wait on the door-slab.

Who has done his day's work and will soonest be through with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?

Will you speak before I am gone? Will you prove already too late?

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me . . . . he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed . . . . I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

The last scud of day holds back for me,


This poem was taken from "Leaves Of Grass", to access the only copy click here.

Who's To Say

So, who's to say - a doctor is better than a poet, and engineer is better than an athlete. I bet half of the kids raised on earth hear the sentence "inshallah yekbar w yseer doctor ad il denya" perhaps in a different language. Why is it always the same prayer? Unlike what most people think, everything in the world counts, without literature there won't be balance, without music life would be boring, without sports people will be unhealthy. Everything in this world is essential and vital, and i don't think an English Teacher is less important than a Doctor or Dancer. Everyone is destined for a certain job and goal! But again- Who's to say?

Humor Me People

:: This is my weekly Humor Me section one of five sections i will post on weekly basis, here i will post vivid experiences of my existance... which mainly cause me to stand back and say "Wow... did i say humor me people?"

I tend to experience a unique story of "Jordanianism" every sunday, or must i say "Arabicism". What am talking about, isn't a question of civility or being a third world country. But first let me dispense this piece of advice to all arabic people reading this :: Ismha Maktabeh mish gahweh :: - Library is not equal to cafe!! So I visit the British Council every sunday, carrying my two books and two videos that i got last week, i enter with a huge smile on my face - ahh nothing like the joy of books. I go to my favorite section, and am scanning the shelves and then the unpredicted happens: i hear people talking. And i don't mean by talking, like whispering, i mean like normal talking with the very same tone you use sitting in a cafe or in a club. I don't know why everytime this happens, i find this unpredictable, i mean.. here are a few notes:

a) You don't talk in a library.
b) You don't eat Flafel Sandwiches.
c) You don't stand in the middle of aisle gazing at the sky daydreaming, people need to pass and check the books.
d) You don't use mobiles.
e) You take a number and wait in line.

Now, a lot may think i am bashing my existance as an Arab. But the surprising fact, that never in my whole life in any library did i see anyone other than Arabs and Ukranians talking - and the Ukranian ladies tend to have high pitched tones as a bonus. Is it too much to ask? We really need to work on our definitions of libraries!!

Amino What?

- So let's set the record straight... They call me Amino and here are some things to watch out for:

a) No am not a guy (god only knows why people feel "Amino" is a guyish name). So let's stress on the Female aspect.

b) I like being called Amino, yet guys, i got sick of the typical joke/comment/i am trying to be a comedian
X: "Amino?"...
Me: aha..
X: what like Amino Acids *chuckle*.
Me: Yeah, very funny, you amuse me, you rock my world!! *frown*

c) Am not exactly a big fan of biology, although ironically related to Amino acids. Before you start laughing, i got this name while being in a biology class, and all i knew was "Amino Acids" and of course the "Cell". I dropped Biology in 10th grade, and lived happily ever after, although i still love being called "Amino" cause it's funky!!

d) Is it you real name? okay refer to the previous line!! I prefer my newly acquired name "Amino", and i intend in the near future to propose that children should be able to pick their names themselves, nevertheless people, my real name is close enough.. if you rearrange it and add an "O" you'll get "Amino" aka my current used name.

- So.. what do i do? I am waiting to get in college, and am a writer... :: here comes the typical cynical face ::

Yes people, a writer!! I know i know, all this "But you're young" blah blah. But as a matter of fact, I am a published poet.. my poems were published in 3 different anthologies, i've been nominated for Poet Of the Year 2004, Poet Of the Year 2005, and entered into the Poetry's whose Who Edition. So people.. get a life okay? You see it's not about the age, it's about having a goal and trying to reach it!!

For additional information: visit www.poetry.com

- So are you usually that snobish?
No, am the sweetest person on the face of earth. Okay, okay, don't think am arrogant or something.. but here's a fact i've learned: you are not any different from Tom Cruise, Einstein, or even Angelina Jolie... they're all human. The only difference is: you look at the stars, they jumped out of the window to grab them, yes they could've fell into the garden, but some defied the first law of aerodynamics and gravity. You see, am gonna be a writer... watch me :)

- Do you have any hobbies other than writing/reading?

Um, am a guitarist, and athlete (Track and Field to be specific). I love dancing (yep don't panic, i may be a jordanian girl, but we don't live in tents anymore you know?), and finally i love designing/inventing stuff.

- How old are you?
Am almost 18.. and technically since am the youngest in the Class of 2005, when they're gonna be 50 am gonna be 49!! You see being born in December has advantages other than witnessing X-mas!

- Where do you live?

Amman, Jordan.

- What do you wanna study?

English Literature and Language, or perhaps Languages.

- So how many language you speak/learn now?
English, Arabic, French (not fluent), and Latin (i am learning on my own)

So i guess that's the best introduction i can give about myself!! Don't you just love blogs?!

Peace!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

My Sanctum, My system...

So here I'll be posting five additional sections on weekly basis: Poem of the Week, Book Of The Week, Who's To Say?, Coffee Anyone?, Humor Me!

Book Of The Week- I'll be reviewing the book i've read (and don't gasp, yes i read two books per week)

Poem Of The Week - I'll post my favorite poem for the week (watch out, mostly are mine hehe)

Who's To Say - Issues that make you think "Who's to say?"

Coffee Anyone - Highlights of the issues that stress the population of earth all the time.

Humor Me - Insights on the unpredictable situation that provoke the cynic in me - did i say humor me people?